By Lisa Hamilton 12.05.2025

What Leaving the City Taught Me About Making Friends as an Adult

The great big regional migration means we’re all on the hunt for new connections.

“Would you like to be my friend?”

Short, succinct and often free from ulterior motive or nuance. This simple, infantile phrase is largely how young children strike up friendships in the playground.

But – as I’ve recently learned – when you hit your mid-30s and move to a new town, it becomes a little bit…trickier.

Here’s the thing, people are migrating out of the cities and into smaller townships and regional areas at rapid rates. The latest data suggests that the great big move from metro to regional has multiplied in recent years.

While the reasons behind this huge shift in the geography of residential preferences may vary from person to person – work, affordability, closer to family members or searching for a quieter life for your children – one thing remains true: moving to a new place means finding a home, a new normal and making friends.

Last year I found myself packing up my tiny city apartment, bundling my husband, toddler and all our worldly possessions (read: Retinol and Nutribullet) into the car in search of greener pastures (read: cheaper rent and a slower lifestyle for our growing family). After finding our new home in a much, much, MUCH smaller town we knew we had made the right decision.

Until…

One weekend, a niggling feeling reared its head and my husband and I decided to face it: we were loners. All the boxes had been ticked for our Great Big Move™️ – except for the fact we were completely and utterly friendless.

Growing up I felt very fortunate to meet the loves of my life at school and while they are all still my nearest and dearest gal pals, we’ve all been pulled in different directions and so our love lives inside a very active WhatsApp group (for legal reasons I’ll never be able to share the contents of that chat).

When I lived in the city my social circle was undoubtedly tied to my work and so when I transitioned to becoming a mum, and subsequently freelancing, it’s safe to say my after-work drinks card had well and truly expired. Had Ms Rachel on YouTube become my closest confidant? Yes, yes she had.

And now here at a pivotal moment in my life I was faced with the prospect of starting from scratch and building a new friendship circle – or you know, just one friend would suffice.

But where to start? Years of playing The Sims taught me that you can’t just walk up to a random person on the street and ask to be their friend. At risk of being a total Mortimer Goth, I knew I had to enlist a new set of skills to try and make friends in my new regional town.

Here’s what I learnt and how I did it:

Follow your footprint

When I was younger I had a much broader lifestyle and my knees didn’t hurt at the back. I found fast friends playing in a Touch Football fixture on Tuesday nights, I was attending work events and mingling with like-minded colleagues and I’d strike up convos with cool neighbours at our local pub. My dance card was full and fruitful friendships were thriving all over the place.

When I moved out of the city and found myself friendless I thought perhaps my way out of lonerville was to sign up to everything. Pottery classes, Trivia Night, could I be a fisher or a surfer or a knitter?

I realised that if I went chasing for friends in places where I wouldn’t normally go, chances are the people I’d met there might not exactly have the same interests as me. They could, but I also don’t fancy smelling like fish just to find out me and Bob aren’t on the same page.

Instead I decided to take the logic from my younger years and apply it to my current situation. I’d follow my footprint in order to try and make meaningful connections with people, all while doing things I enjoyed and would regularly do. I’ve made great friends with parents at my daughter’s soccer class, I reached out to a friend of a friend who lives in my neighbourhood and I have connected with some great people through a gym class.

Keep it regular

I’m going to use a totally trite and overused analogy here but bear with me - I’m in my sentimental friendships era! You see, folks, friends are like flowers, you’ve gotta water them regularly in order to see them grow.

I know, I know – but it’s true!

When I had my friends at school and work I didn’t really need to harness the relationships because, well, we were living in each other’s pockets. Now that I’m a bit older I’m pulled in so many different directions that friendships can often fall by the wayside.

No matter how busy I get with work, family commitments or feeling constantly exhausted, I always lock in time for a coffee or a catch with at least one of my new friends to ensure that the relationship keeps building without fizzling out.

Everyone else is looking for connection too.

Ok, I had to put my ego aside for a little bit because to be honest sometimes I would think ‘ugh this is so cringe why am I putting myself out there, this person doesn’t want to make friends with a seriously funny, intelligent, kind and thoughtful woman in her mid-30s!’ Wait, turns out, they kinda do.

It should’ve been a no-brainer but as it turns out, with this mass-migration of millennials moving regionally everyone else is looking for friends too – go figure!

I have been appropriately charmed by how many other people have moved to the area and are also just wanting to make meaningful connections. Having lived in the city for a long time I guess I was stuck in a bit of a clique-y mindset. And not to give citydwellers a bad rap but sometimes their proclivities for keeping circles tight can mean that newcomers don’t always feel so welcome.

It can be a bit daunting moving somewhere new and if you can ease that feeling by finding a new friend that is experiencing something similar – well, then that’s the start of a pretty nice connection if you ask me.

Don’t be afraid to be you

As I began my friend-making endeavour I had a quiet word to myself about keeping cool, calm and putting a lid on my true personality. This meant doing my best not to sing the theme song to The White Lotus at any given moment. Surely, regional people just wouldn’t get it and I’d have to reserve the more colourful parts of myself.

Then one day I was chatting with a new acquaintance and I felt like the foundations were there for a potential new friend (!!). I was in the middle of telling a story when my potty mouth got the better of me.

I paused. They paused.

Then… laughter.

The point is, don’t be afraid to be the real you even when searching for new friends in a new town. Sure there might be some awkward moments here and there but sometimes you’ve gotta risk it.

You’re either going to connect or you’re not, so you may as well let them know you’ve watched every season of RuPaul’s Drag Race now.

We move through different seasons in life for a reason

The older and wiser I get, I’ve learned to give myself over to the waves of life. If this sounds a bit woo-woo I stand by it. We move through these different phases on our journey and each new chapter is meant to teach us something new.

Moving regionally has given me an appreciation of my existing friendships that withstand geographical distances and it’s given me a newfound understanding of what it means to be comfortable with putting yourself out there.

I’m loving the new connections I’ve made since my big move and even if they don’t turn into sing-at-the-top-of-your-lungs-together friends, I’m grateful for the place they hold in this moment of my life.