Gender Rights Advocate Jamila Rizvi on Juggling Her Career, Motherhood, and Self-Care

Hi Jamila! Welcome to Bedtime Stories. Can you walk us through your bedtime routine?

My bedtime routine is a fairly even mix of chaos and collapse. My husband and I work from home on alternate days. Whoever is at home is in charge of the early evening walk for our oversized muppet of a dog, Sonny and chauffeuring our seven-year-old son to his various activities and social engagements.

I wish dinner were the calm, ordered affair of my childhood. It’s anything but. Our evening meal tends to be coupled with a collection of other tasks including calendar alignment, spelling practice and most recently – magic tricks. Then, after my son and his collection of toy rabbits are in bed, the actual wind-down begins.

My husband and I tend to watch an episode of something, with him on the couch and me doing another task. I’m not good at sitting still, but cooking or baking late at night really relaxes me and helps clear my mind. I try to drink a full glass of water and if I have speaking engagements a mug of hot water, honey, and lemon. I’m disabled and rely on a number of medications, including injections and tablets taken before bed. And while I can manage to stay off my phone reasonably well in the evening, my work addiction means the laptop tends to be out until the very last moment before sleep.

How have you built confidence and/or resiliency over the course of your career?

I’m someone who loves what I do and takes my work really seriously. I pursue exceptional results which means I expect a lot from the team I work with. My confidence flows from the purpose of the work I do. I genuinely believe what I’m doing is important, particularly in the gender equality space. By focusing on why I’m trying to achieve something – which is the people that work will benefit – I tend to hold self-doubt at arms’ length.

In 2017, I got the news I needed brain surgery in the very same week I was offered – and had to turn down – my dream career opportunity. In any other circumstance I would have been devastated but when you’re focused on staying alive, other losses pale into insignificance. That has shaped my experience of work ever since. I’m not sure I’m necessarily more resilient but I’ve faced rock bottom and survived. I know I can do that again if I need to.

How do you balance your work life, motherhood, and looking after yourself?

Not very well! I’ve always been an enthusiastic person. As a student, I was the one who signed up for every sports team, dance class, arts society, and political club that was on offer. Today that manifests as having too many jobs and regularly bemoaning I’m not doing any of them well enough.

I make time for looking after myself because I have to, rather than because I necessarily want to. When you’re disabled and chronically ill that’s non-negotiable. Being a mum is genuinely the best thing I get to do. I must have won the kid lottery because Rafi, who is seven, is remarkably relaxed about life. He is a real go-with-the-flow type and incredibly understanding of the pressures on both his parents. When I would go interstate for work, I used to explain to him all the reasons I had to go. Now, I’m more honest and explain why I get to go and remind him I love my work. I want him to have an appreciation that work is rewarding and fulfilling – and while he is always number one, his mum has other wonderful and meaningful things in her life.